In your darkest hours

Who's there for you? (apologies in advance for the long post but I need to vent a little)

It's been a very rough couple of days. It's been one financial crisis after another.... My faith being weak as it is, I felt we NEEDED to use the a credit card this week and my husband was dead set against it (as he should be -- I have a very wise husband)...well, let's just say that's how it started on Tuesday. Then, last night, I came home to an email from the bank....well, the bank doesn't email with good news, let's put it that way. Bad news last night turned into even worse news this morning. Someone once said to me "If you have a problem(s) that money can solve, then you really don't know what it's like to have a problem". At that time, I was hurt by that comment. But, I thought about that comment last night as I lay crying in bed in the realization that I had screwed up yet again. Confession -- I have a HUGE problem with spending money wisely. Translation, as I came to see it last night -- I have a CONTENTMENT problem. I can't seem to let myself be content in what I have. Mind you, we're not rolling in the dough -- but that's not an excuse. We use Microsoft Money software -- all our bills and my husband's deposits are there and I can see the cash flow forecast. I KNOW if we were to stick to the budget as it appears on that screen, we'd be just fine. Sticking to said budget is a problem and it has been for years. Please don't misunderstand -- this isn't a situaiton where I handle the money completely by myself and my hubby is oblivious to what's going on. What I am saying is it's not his ATM card that's making the transactions that run us out of money -- I'm admitting my fault here but I don't want people to think that he doesn't "manage his household well". He has faults, yes, but we're trying. BOTH of us are trying and it's not been an easy 2 years since I stopped working. BUT, incidents like we're in the middle of now are becoming less and less frequent.

So, in my original question, I asked who was there during your darkest hours? For us this time, I'm thankful to admit that it was my parents. My Mom flew in last week and my Dad arrived Monday and they just left. Other than these last 48 hours or so, it was a great 10 days and I'll definately post more on their time with us later. What they left here has touched me more than I can say. I stink at emotional issues and saying what's on my heart and I'm not sure why that's so. But, not only did they put gas in our van, not only did they pay for my oldest 2 to sign up for their homeschool co-op today, not only did they give monetarily to help clear up things at the bank -- they also just left a huge pile on my table. While I was out registering N & C for co-op, they were at Sam's Club. Laundry detergent, dryer sheets, toilet paper, fruit sancks and animal crackers for the kids, macaroni & cheese, mayo, peanut butter, corn, green beans, pizza kits, crackers, bisquick mix, trash bags, dish detergent, dishwasher tablets, and spaghetti, and you know Sam's Club's sizes!

Someone may stumble across this blog and wonder why I would post something so personal. Let me explain -- first, I know my Mom reads the blog every now and then and I hope she sees this so she knows how truly grateful we are even if I can't seem to say it. Secondly, I'm hoping putting all this into writing will give me something to look back on and remember so we don't end up here again. This hurts -- very, very badly. Third, maybe there's someone who can read this and learn from the lessons I'm learning -- 1) not being content with what you have is a sin, 2) not using the blessings you have been given as God would have you use them is a sin, and 3) I have to be more careful about what I'm teaching my kids about what money is (a blessing given to us by God) and how it should be spent. We are entrusted our money to steward the way God leads and spending every last dime you have is NOT a good plan -- eventually, you will overspend and not realize it and then you'll be where we are. Again, my apologies for a long post. If you've read this far, please pray for us as we're talking about going to a cash-only system for groceries and those type things (we already pay 99% of our bills through automatic debits). Please pray that we'll come out of this different people -- ready to manage our money in the will of God, not our own. Thank you.